| 22-11-09 |
[Nov. 22nd, 2009|10:11 pm] |
"...if I had four arms, I'd give you four thumbs up" - Alain, Montreal Hotel, half passed out on the bed.
Recovering has never been my thing and when it happens, I'm black and white about it. But while I watched my friend slowly bite down into a watermelon I questioned how it seems to always be his thing. Hangovers are a form of recovering... a basic 24 hour rise and fall that could probably be easily symbolic of ones life at times. See the pattern, drink, over step your bounds, ruin what you had, and then recover. The fact I didn't have to make the hard realization yet again in my life kind of makes me laugh.
"Is that...precum?!"
I've been reading this graphic novel about a rock star and a simple girl staying in an apartment and basically going through life together. Anyway, later on in the story...one is touring and the other has a life. They realize that they had a strange form of love. That they needed each other in life. I told Alain I needed him this weekend while we were swimming. That I was sorry that even though his mother had a heart attack and he had all these money problems with his car, that I still wanted him here and how selfish I was. He said he needed this just as much as I did. Then he got sick and wasn't with me all night.
"Where's my drink...!!"
I had a wonderful night. Which made me link... I don't need him always. I just always make him seem needed. I love him like a brother but we treat each other like a married couple. I need to go out more without him.
"RAH RAHH OOH LALAAAA...THIS SONG WONT STOP-AHH AHHH AHHHH!"
Seeing familiar faces on my birthday that I didn't have any hate for, made me have positive energy. I never had one bad thought all night... which is a first in a long long time. I liked how everything worked out, everything was strangely perfect. Well maybe not circumstance wise but people wise. I never had a problem!
"Did he just hit me on the head with his dick?"
Shopping, Santa Claus Parade + Crowds, strippers, heavy HEAVY drinking, swimming, laughing, lady gaga-ing, singing, gambling, greyhound-ing, bad cake, PICTURES, flash flash, new faces, old smiles.
"Un chien chaud." "'All dressed' ou nu?" "Nu. Toujour nu. C'est comment j'aime les choses." |
|
|
| rant about retail |
[Oct. 14th, 2009|10:08 am] |
Ok, so this is my rant about retail. Since I really only briefly mentioned it previously...
PROS:
The pros of this job is compared to my last I talk to people and move around. Actually making for productive work. Also, instead of being my own boss, I have more structure and order in my life with this job being present. I missed an aware boss... I know what you people are thinking but really... when you go to work and three to four problems pop up and your boss says to deal with it. Then six months later you get blasted for not doing the right thing... you like hearing a firm voice at that moment. Other then that the job is pretty mindless, at times tediously stupid, but for the most part...I enjoy it.
CONS:
MONEYYYYYYYY. Oh my... I am just overly used to paychecks from the health care section that these compared... these are so small. It scares me! Oh well, something to get used to. If ever. I also work with hetero women... which makes me either cringe with hate or laugh way too much at their drama. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 23rd, 2009|10:44 pm] |
My day started by wikipediaing (I believe should be a verb by now) Cheers and ended with a photo that broke me. From simple clicks I was moved from learning that Frasier is one of the best televised shows, via ratings, money and awards... to realizing I'll never be the sort of boy that guys fall for properly. Two major extremes facilitated by my friend the computer.
Anyway, I have a job. I've had it for some time now... but I forgot to post about it. It's in retail...yay. Pretty silly, but I sell 400$+ dresses and watch tv on my break. I get 50% at Gap Inc stores... go team. I get lots of hours and the people are crazy... so it seems fitting. |
|
|
| Drafts from Last Night |
[Sep. 14th, 2009|02:23 pm] |
Drafts from last night:
"What happened to his eyebrows?" - Text to Matt when I saw a guy with practically no brows.
"Pretentious Asshole" - Edge
"Leave Spitters Alone" - Guy's shirt
"Fly is in my brain" - Hiking, when a bug got in my ear.
"Come at 2 sugarthus" - My phone broke and t9 failed.
"For a free home invasion call:" - A weird advertisement
"CamerXXX" - Alain's drag queen name
"This bathroom is the symbol of edge"
"Why do fat people always smell?"
"Look at his wrist...he carved those in"
"You just licked dog vagina" quoting Alex S. after Michael kissed the dog... after the dog...
"You did...you just didn't..you know?"
"We're possibly coming" Truthful text to unknown
"Can you pass me Matt or Roger's DS... we can picto chat"
"Everyone is black"
"I just found a new favourite channel... the history channel!!" - Alain |
|
|
| Take A Walk Around The Table |
[Aug. 10th, 2009|11:52 am] |
Foreword: I've been meaning to post my trip to india stuff but each time I plan it... my computer kills itself. It's about 6 pages long of over the top stuff. But as it is, still fun/ny to read. I will get to it...eventually.
So I moved. again.
This time it takes me back a bit, I moved back home. I really dont know how I feel about it. My parents are everchanging and the house is always different. It was fine when I lived here because I could slowly see the small changes being made but now that I jumped 3 years, it's a bit difficult. The house feels new and different. My new bedroom has nothing from the old one... and I like the change.
I now have in my posesion:
1 turtle
1 pirate Themed Lamp (I named him Horatio)
1 very cold basement
1 lost self of awareness
1 hot tub
1 sewing machine computer desk
1 huge library
My parents have left and I have that time to reacquaint myself with these walls. They have gym/weight equipment that I have been using. I've set up the bike in a great way. So I do the bike for 30-40 minutes on a medium level and play slots when it gets boring.
In other news, everyone is giving me rides to places. I have montreal this weekend and then I've been to my cottage two weekends in a row. How great. I've really enjoyed my time there...! I actually did some logging, like I did in the winter, it's pretty cool. Clearing trees and brush and then taking the cut down logs somewhere else. Other then that I went to this camp ground that my sister was sent too (We're looking less and less like siblings.) It's built on was used to be some native tribe's land... it was pretty cool. Now that I read up on it, the camp is owned by the united church of Canada and the site has a zillion crosses all over it. Creepy... Oh, speaking of crosses. The wooden one my dad built has now been destroyed and replaced with a cement one. The fact we have a huge 'iron-aged celtic-christian' inspired cross in the middle of our field no longer bugs me... how messed up is that?
I feel like i've barely come back to Ottawa since my recent big travel and I really like the feeling... always on the go. Always having something to look foward too...always gone...
PS: Late night snacks are the best
|
|
|
| A real update is coming up... |
[Jul. 11th, 2009|03:17 pm] |
|
"Honey, let's not talk about our paths. When a problem happened in my path, I flew to mother fucken India. When I came back I had bought Indians to move the problem." |
|
|
| India again |
[Jun. 25th, 2009|05:14 pm] |
I think recent posts basically gave a define view on India. For the most part I feel bombarded with a new way of living. Never in my life would I ever think to see this way of life. Passing rich complexes with people in tin houses in the lot, women holding their insect covered babies while begging for money at your car window, security guards with guns sleeping in front of mall entrances...
India is a mystery and will remain it. I don't think I've learned much about this cultured just swallowed it. An aftertaste that is not bad or good...just accepted. Because it's so foreign you can't really compare it to anything... I feel that India is that one food creation someone brought at the pot luck and I completely ignored it for so long. Now that i've had a taste I am dumbfound and confused where to place it with the other food. Not like it has a bad taste... just completely different. New, foreign, exotic, smelly...haha.
India is beautiful though... it's given me a taste for Asia I never thought I'd enjoy. I was always against visiting china, japan, india, ect... Over populated, over the top, over flowing cultures that I appreciated but never thought I'd want to visit... Now are warping into charming places I may want to visit in the future. There's now something so natural about 50 cars in a small stretch of road all fighting for first place, bikes flying by, people wearing scarves to cover their mouth from dirt and other peoples breath, the constant watchful eyes of the natives...
I guess in the end what I'm trying to express is that India, much like my other travels has opened my eyes where I wasn't expecting it too. Another place making my head tick faster then it has before. I think that's what real traveling is. India is a raw taste that you can't put your finger on and I can appreciate that.
|
|
|
| Ignore First Day, I Start at Second |
[Jun. 19th, 2009|09:39 pm] |
Second day in india, I'm slowly feeling better... my nose is all red cause of my cold, so no pictures of me. We took a walk around the market and it was beautiful yet scary. Outside my bedroom is a wonderful view of the 'slums' of Gargaon. It's beautiful in the morning but I've noticed there's a family living beside the grounds in a broken buildings that time seems to have destroyed and forgotten. Because i'm on the 15th floor, I can watch the family at night by their campfire.
Cows walk idly by beside cars and people in the country... and today we saw that they even take up parking spaces like vehicles. Speaking of cars... a lot of cars; many people in them... This country is much like Montreal for driving yet they don't take the red lights seriously and most people swerve in and out of lanes like they aren't there. I'm now relieved to know we have an indian driver. We visited most of the malls today and the markets... and we seemed to get lost in the living areas of Gargaon. The malls are very much like the ones back home and the markets are to be expected. Tin shacks with a man behind the counter who looks between Molly and I's age. The best part of today is when I saw a small child go up to one of the tin booths and ask for a Mountain Dew. And he was given a mountain dew in a glass bottle and it was going for 20ruppes. Which is about 50 cents canadian. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 14th, 2009|02:35 pm] |
Admit it... you've seen someone on the street, sitting on the bus, in the bathroom... with a kid and atleast once you've thought to yourself : That person should not be a parent. I know I have more then once. Or a couple kissing in public that actually made you lift and eye or cringe. I think this pretty much is a human reaction and if you're not willing to admit that to yourself, you can stop reading now.
As a gay man, I myself have cringed at an odd couple making out or even at a parent who's child is having a temper tantrum, but isn't that an oxymoron. When I myself can't physically become a parent and public display of affection is frowned upon in popular culture. Recently acts against same sex marriage has come into the public eye and brought the topic under the microscope. Well move aside because this is my turn to say a few thoughts.
1. Marriage :
When the PROP8 business started the attack was primarly the sanctity of marriage vs change. I myself don't believe in marriage as a stable institution to fight for but strangely america does. It's sad that a country that knows more about celebrity relationships then their own government are rising together to bring homosexual kinship down when the celebrities they themselves praise end up in divorce. The states has that funny stigma of "50 percent of marriages will end in divorce", who knows if that number is real or not but with figure heads like Angelina Jolie (divorced twice) and Bill Clinton (never divorced but cheated more then the media even touches) america is the clearly the figure head of marriage. If the sanctity of marriage was critically important divorce wouldn't exist. Marriage like most things has turned into an idealistic final treatment to a relationship no matter how broken it may be.
2. Family
Marriage is the symbol for families and vice versa. I mean, during the time of eliminating same sex marriage the word family was thrown around more then an asian hooker. And like that asian hooker something in the mix wasn't right. I mean, if saving the views of marriage gives to a happy family...and you need marriage to have a family.... then that eliminates a lot of people. If you're pro family, this usually means you're for the idea that a man and a woman who can procreate are the only choice to get married. Which eliminates gay parents, infertile couples and parents who do not want children. Also religiously people believe that homosexuality is a sin also believe divorce is not an option. So taking that in consideration, most of america wouldn't be happy. So why define a cookie cutter family with marriage as its prime ingredient when most of the dough won't be used. I mean, most families are disfunctional, marriage or not. If it's your first or second or third mother the children won't be saved from a different lifestyle. With this ideal an 18 year old girl with no life experience can get married and have her kids fine. But two 30 year old gay women who have an adopted child with a handful of experience is worst for the family unit. How ridiculous does that sound.
3. Kids
This is where I myself come to a cross road. Unknown to me is the idea of children in my future. Also how same sex couplings and their effect on children. We know that a single mother raising a child causes the son to have a higher change of violence and criminal future. Yet we let single mothers continue to have their children. Also with the illegalasation of marriage for same sex marriages does not enable them to adopt. I know many people who's parents are common law married or they never got married (I lived in the country haha). Same sex marriage isn't stopping them to get children and raise them so I don't understand why people are taking a step against marriage when you don't need it for the family equation. I mean, we all know marriage doesn't make a family. Mommy doesn't always love daddy and that piece of paper won't stop her from leaving. Children will be affected, marriage or not. Children are affected by simpler things like tv and their favourite toy breaking. To use children in a politically charged debate against equal rights is no surprise but really shouldn't factor into this debate importantly.
4. Opinion
The instution of marriage is one of failure and holds morals and values long lost but still needed in culture today. Much like that friend who won't go away but you keep him around just cause he was there since the beginning... fighting for marriage to stay pure and dominant is majorly flawed by the fact he's slept around with all your friends. Er, I mean marriage is not something respected or cared for in todays world so why stand up for it now. Laws evolve with the times, as we've seen before with women, blacks and other sensitive sexist/racist movements. Gay marriage will be legal and fine in a few years, just hold on till the tornado passes... and just duck when a flying biggot cow flies by.
|
|
|
| A Bull In A China Shop |
[Jun. 9th, 2009|10:56 am] |
I hope there's never a 'response' LJ to something I said ever again. How silly...
Anyway, things are well with me. I forget to update when my life gets mundane! I've been playing the Sims 3, it's lots of fun :) Can I say that the most annoying question that I get asked is "Do you make your sims straight?". Yes, out of all things I play a game that mimics my life and I date girls in it. Because somehow that makes my life feel better. No. No. No. No. It's not like I am against straight sims, I have them on my lot as well and play them. I just find that question so... odd?
Other then that my life is pretty solid. I recently went and got lots of travel stuff for a trip I'm going to take in the near future. I've been drawing a lot as well! I tried linking a deviant post I did, a quick sketch... but you have to do stand alone posts for that. So here we go!
|
|
|
| And What I Wanted To Say Was... |
[Jun. 8th, 2009|08:19 pm] |
|
Ps: The Orleans boys have had their place a lot shorter period of time then you and i've been there a lot...thanks to invites. It's the same distance to go there as it is your place. I shouldn't feel guilty for inviting myself. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 8th, 2009|02:03 pm] |
I got a youtube account. Just because I wanted to post this vid. It's pretty bad but I also love it.
|
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 18th, 2009|10:25 am] |
|
After I made an incredibly lengthy post about models the last time my inner country boy shot himself and we used his corpse as a scarecrow in the field. I mean... this is an awkward/angry/angst post! THREE A's! THREE! Hah.HAh.Hah.
Saturday: I came to the conclusion that cave has nothing for me. I think I struggled with this for the last few years... Even if I hated it, I am there once a month. So I thought it was It's something forced upon every gay guy...and most just do snort some substance and ignore the fact. I once heard that some gay snorted an entire asian family after they mistook the bathhouse for a public bath...urban myth? Who knows.
The Five: Did I ever tell you the story of the final five of Ottawa? Geek reference, it will jump over all your heads. Anyway, to put it simple. Five guys in Ottawa that I just had an instant attraction too. I've gone on a date with three, talked to the fourth, and the fifth is oblivious to everything I do.
One I dated... one I tried... one simply just went on a dinner and he drank himself a bit into the wrong. One basically said he would have started something if I would have been more direct and then left Ottawa. Now he's back and it's just weird. Don't confess things before a move that ends up not being for the rest of your life. The other used to work at Rideau and I tried speaking to him but got his fag hag and it just went to shits. But all of them followed the same pattern, brock approaches very poorly, time goes by, they come to brock. It won't happen with the last one...but I'm fine with that.
The Roomate: She's obviously intertwined with my social life and i'm not sure if I'm too happy with that anymore. I'm fine with it in general but I tend to forget that she has a limited social circle and that if she wants to hang out with our communal friends without me, that's fine. The only problem with that is that she, for some odd reason, doesn't like to tell me... Ex: She went to go see Star Trek, cool. She told me she was going to go do things downtown, not cool. Matt talking about the movie when we were all together and her looking at me like her secret was out, retarded? I mean, out of all things you're allowed to hang out with your friends solo. Just don't keep it from me... it seems so needless. Oh, and she's worst then fuck to get to clean and do dishes, but she's awesome. It was the other way around with the old roommate, so I'm fine. Haha
And basically that's my life in clumps. I wanted it to be witty and fun but I think the fact I haven't posted in some time got to me and my loins of annoying were spilled. Yet again.
|
|
|
| Season Finales |
[Mar. 30th, 2009|11:19 am] |
Since everything is finished/ing up... I thought I'd give my post about it. Non-spoiler really.
BSG:
The shows all done... which feels weird. The end season was much of a lull, but for the most part had lots of emotion and really what I wanted from the show. The episode with Kara Thrace taking the shower and the piano music was accompanied was probably such a hit home scene for me. Other then that the last episode "jumped the shark" so to say. But it fit. A little too well... like when you find shoes that fit well, then later on you notice they kill your feet a few 50 steps later....
Big Love:
Wow... I don't know why but maybe cause of right now life experiences. This one felt so dark. This season just slowly declined into darkness... like down the stairs to the dark basement. Everyone is trying to find purpose in this season, which makes sense. But in the end it really felt like everyone got lost in that struggle. I hope season 4 we find a flashlight in this basement.
United States of Tara:
This show out of the four was the only one who did a full circle. Which I suppose what all first seasons do. It was good. I wouldn't say genius because it tackles with a serious topic and twists it into dark humour. The characters all get into sticky situations which is fun... I don't know though, if the second season doesn't put it into another gear, I probably won't continue watching...
L Word:
Another final season...! A ten episode season, with a good start and a mediocre middle with a bad ending. It kind of did a downward spiral I didn't really want the show to do. But it was fun... which is why I watched L Word. I don't know what else to say about it... |
|
|
| as if |
[Mar. 26th, 2009|12:15 am] |
I sit here wondering " if I upload these now it makes it official " as if the last three days werent.
as if those stupid village fire fighters didn't have the brains to see where a small spring is, and where a gigantic pond is to draw the water.
as if I watched my aunt pick up burnt coins out the aftermath and preach to me about 'vultures'.
as if I found more then 10 6PACKS of beer in my grandmothers room.
as if memories from the past can no longer be smelled or seen.
as if my sister idolizes the drunk that burnt down my grandmothers house.
as if the land now belongs to men I hate.
as if I cleared the whole black kitchen and rearranged it in a neurotic pass at grieving.
as if...
as if my old homestead burnt down. |
|
|
| Tricky Tricky |
[Mar. 19th, 2009|07:29 pm] |
Is it weird that the only thing I took from that trick was not the after taste of sex but the name of the band that played in the background the whole time. Now I draw to this band and never think of him again..
So the project was 'terminated' and I went with it. An email from my boss that probably took less then 5 minutes; took me the rest of my day clearing off my desk to respond. I only wrote back a few lines but it mostly said I was thankful. Little did he know I'm not a student and OSAP isn't supporting my ass.
That job was my last life and a bit. A whole 3 years...from High School, to the semesters of uni, to relationship to relationship. It's really always been there. There's something about a job that can be deleted off a computer that makes you hate where you work. We're all numbers and one day we all realize that. It just sucks when you've realized it and you're still putting in other peoples numbers.
I've always worked, since the age of 15. Sitting at home in pj's never felt more useless. But I'm not a good salesman of this product named Brock Wilkes. Never have been... Sewing these mice never felt more tedious.
But a sense of relief came with that email. The fact I will no longer go to that desk made me happy. Clearing that desk was better then any spring cleaning I've ever done. Lighting that place on fire felt better then... wait, I mean... my keychain is a lot less heavy. Which probably means I'll lose them the next time I go clubbing.... |
|
|
| $$$ |
[Mar. 8th, 2009|06:43 pm] |
|
I keep on envisioning my liver posting on usedottawa with “Free liver, pick up may cause problems” – somaticsliver204944 with this picture attached.
Other then the constant talk about my liver… my life is doing fine. Relatively speaking. No roommate problems and enjoying things. I did notice something though. I have no connections to Ottawa. I’m out of my parent’s house and I have no debt. My job is linked to a fund that only my Dr gets… but I’ve grown tired of the job. So that loss means nothing. The only thing I am linked too is this contract to live here till September. I don’t really know what this conclusion means… but it’s a pleasant feeling. Knowing I can pack up and go… I have a sewing project. Mice, lots of them. I don’t know if it will work out, but they are cute. I didn’t spend much money on any of the material anyway. This one’s my fav out of the 6 I have sewn as of yet (and he's angry that he's so out of focus!).
And now I am off to make hot dogs. I've never done it before...!
|
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 5th, 2009|02:16 pm] |
I sat on a needle earlier this week full of estrogen cause I've been craving greasy food, sewing and baking cakes. I need to be shot. But trust me, I will knit a doily for the bullet. Everything is better with bloody doilies!
And just to amuse you I'm going to post my 'Drafts'. These are text messages that don't get sent for most phones... for me it's what I use when I want to remember something, drunkingly pretend I am texting to avoid others, and then just weird stuff. Most of these are to unknown senders, but some have them
From order of most recent to older...
Drafts:
"It turns off the highway unto lees then goes straight to orleans..." (In regards of the 101)
"I think the non profit foundation is called... will... and grace?" (My sister's quote)
"Lol oh greg." (Drunk, Edge)
"The breakfast club with extra potatoes on the side. With extra toast, with an extra egg." (my order at Zak's Diner)
"Ew, some perv just touched my ass" (Drunk, Edge)
"Lol wow, I hate this evening." (Drunk)
"You are soo drunk" (..Drunk)
"Ew"
"Clay is only going to..."
"I'll do my scientific best to command your fleet"
"Haha." (To Evan)
"NAG!"
"He lacks feel"
"We basically hate you right now" (Matt and Roger in Dec/ Mtl, when I drunkingly forgot they had left for more adventurous reasons)
"Lol." (Michael G)
"Peter Clingen" (Shuttle bus driver during the strike)
"AVOID AVOID AVOID" (Someone at Edge)
|
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
broken_lens's journal
